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So near yet so far: Some thoughts.

aka letter to Zhirui Loh

As the bus circled Toa Payoh on my way to school, I thought "so near yet so far". I recall you work at Toa Payoh. 

I'm all alone now. I'm happy. And you're happy too. That's what makes me happy as well, and the engine that keeps me running, despite my loneliness in being single. 

I extract my earphones from my bag and slip the silicon into my ears, immersing myself within the deadliest music I own. Music, to me, is the eternal drug for my pain and sorrow. It makes me feel a different person altogether, and whole again.

Over the years, I saw you transform. You are no longer the lively RP you used to be. Naughty in some way, your camp tales would intrigue me. I loved your car rides. We would spend the whole day together and do practically nothing at all, but talk and talk non-stop, and stare into each others' eyes. Sadly, we had to grow up and move on with our lives, and leave our youthful dreams far behind.

Perhaps we were just too young at that time. You listen to me most of the time now, and only talk when I have something to ask, or you would just nod and smile at my countless tales. Work stress and exposure to harsh working life has contributed to your passiveness and passionless-ness. 

However, as time passes, I discover its the physical bond that grows in intensity the more we spend time with each other. And the emotional connection diminishes, as if they work antagonistically. Maybe that is what keeps us from feeling for each other enough to start over. I felt we would be better as friends. Also, I don't believe in unconditional love  or love at first sight. You agreed on that as well regarding yourself.

Perhaps we should work together to achieve our life priorities: a common goal. To achieve our full potential, either in the workplace or in studies. I love and like you, but it's just not that way. It's more of a friend thing, like what I have for Doudou. 

I want to be your emotional supporting pillar, your engine that keeps you going.

And this will be the very first thing perhaps that I put a substantial amount of effort in.

No giving up, Mr. Loh! I trust in you that you will be someone big someday, someone of high ranking and financial independence. 

I stop writing as the bus comes to a halt. I know I am arriving in school soon, in just a few bus stops. I smile, and I know nothing will stop me this time. I  know I can't love you as I did three years ago, but I know I will always support you.

Funny Day.

Today was a really hilarious day.

I had IMS this morning. Then this korean guy who usually comes late or sleeps/listens to music in class borrowed off my tutorial questions and begins to write....very slowly! So I couldn't manage to copy down what was left of the IMS diagram. The chinese dudes in the row in front didn't have the diagram either, 'coz one was reading the papers and another surfing the web. So I had to go over to James' to copy his diagram. Then, the lecturer was waiting for me to finish so he could start on the tutorial slides! Sigh, that was totally unexpected.

Then later during the break, I was talking with my classmate Y. It's funny how a topic can revolve around passing motion to meat dumplings. Pao Ba Zhang is a Singlish term for people who wear tight/skin fitting clothes which do not suit them. And if you weren't at the scene in LR-C209 at MDIS UniCampus, Queenstown, Singapore, it's really a very very long story!

My other friends are really cool. One gave me a handmade present, another accompanies me to walk to the MRT station. They have lots of awesome stories to tell as well. I joked to my friend as we walked, that I should go on QQ one day to get a China boyfriend. And she really is serious about introducing me one! She asked me what I think about a younger boy, and I say I like younger boys, as they're more innocent. :) But I really hope she isn't serious about the deed because I don't speak good Mandarin, just plain average Mandarin. :P

I had lunch with Mr.Blanket, the most innocent-looking shyboy I've seen in my life. He's also younger than me, around the same age as "Douryl" (my friends from MDIS' Publishing). The only difference -- Douryl are MassComm students, Mr Blanket is an IT student from NUS. Future, though, as he hasn't completed his NS. Douryl have. 

All the best to Douryl's future joint blog. May their DSLRs be with them through life and death, serving as a companion to the loneliest days of their lives. The coolest job is being a photojournalist, suits them awesomely fine. :)

tired

Sigh, I'm so tired.

So on Saturday went with Mr Loh for karaoke, at Partyworld Orchard. Parking cost a bomb, and the KTV bill was like around SGD 48.xx for two people.. WOW! Maybe because it's in Orchard. Sing and singing and sang and sung for more than three hours, luckily we had 2 drinks each.. I never expected Mr. Loh to be someone who sings a lot, and that he sings about the same songs as I do. =S Have I just found my long-lost un-identical twin? I hope he's not related to me.. And in the past, he was the one who actually 'inspired' me to listen to Maroon 5 and be their fan, though not official..

Trying to spend more time on my novel..(fan fiction)

Today hangout with schoolmate DouDou.. Ate at Food Junction Bugis... then walked around Bugis, went to Iluma too. Am so so so tired~~

It's my first time having KOI Cafe's Milk Tea, and my first time drinking from his straw too. He's way too generous. We got drenched a few times 'coz my umbrella's too small, and I almost lost it. An old man found my umbrella and returned it to us. A weird security guard 'chased' us away for drinking in Iluma, then we went upstairs to join the crowd of KOI-drinking. Fooled around a little, then went home. :)

The First Timer

MEMOIRS OF A FIRST TIMER NAMED PEISHAN ::

    There's always a first time for everything, they say. Be it learning how to drive, using a mobile phone for the first time, or going on a date (what ever kind). For me, it is my first time having my ears pierced. I know how this seems not new for other people; some have it as an infant, some have multiple ear piercings, and some have piercing elsewhere.

    Since my sister is the one paying, and I'm not someone to take advantage of others' kindness, I selected titanium as titanium earrings are cheaper than gold ones. I also selected the titanium earrings in royal blue as blue has always been my favorite colour.

    As I was nervous about having my ears pierced, I often procastinated instead of having my eyes pierced directly. My sister and I visited a number of jewellery shops but I was never ready. I finally decided I would have ear piercings before my birthday this year (My birthday is in a few days' time).

    I had my ears pierced at an accessories shop named B'Dazzle at Wisma Atria, after window shopping at Takashimaya with my family. Though nervous as usual, I was surprised by the speed and efficient service of the nice lady in the shop. She was also very informative, and asked if my eighteen-month year old niece would like her ears pierced as well. The procedure was speedy and involved a few steps with a few different solutions meant to numb and clean the ear lobe, followed by marking and "stapling" of the ear lobe. It felt like the times I had my finger pricked to do blood tests --  the gun and needle felt like a stapler. Though it was extremely fast (the duration was two seconds) and painless, I still remembered the feeling I held in my heart and soul -- it will always be a first experience: the feeling of a first time.

Here are some snapshots:

(Sorry the second photo is quite blur, didn't realize it)

Ear-V gone!! LOL.. "My ears lost their V"

-September-

Had the weirdest dream this morning..

On Being "Not Pretty"

I have received the advice "you ain't pretty, so stop thinking you are". Well, regarding this, I don't know how to respond.. Perhaps it's time to wake up from my dreams. And, to achieve something else in my life since I don't have the physical beauty or attractiveness that other girls do. 

Stop believing in true love?

I guess that is one option. If I am capable of handling my own life, I don't need a guy. Basically, guys think I am not pretty. So I don't need one at all to give me fake concern full-time.

This will mean the female lead characters in my novel are going to change. I.e. from pretty to un-pretty. At least, somehow, they are strong and courageous in their own ways. And uh, happy-go-lucky, and wacky. Unfortunately, they are never capable of self-control, loving oneself, or protective/conservative. 'coz that's me.