The Sorcerer's Apprentice @ Brunei, 3/8/10

Me at The Mall GDG

The CINEPLEX@Mall

Me acting NERD

Baby E (my niece) enjoying herself

CHEESE!!

**Edit: this is the first time I have seen CAGE in such a role. (Normally he plays goody-two-shoes or super-heroic characters. Recall the too-good-for-everything guy in FACE OFF, where he replaced the evil guy's character in the face change. And also in the movie with Penelope Cruz where he was the super-nice German general/soldier who fell in love with the Italian village doctor. I haven't seen many of his movies, but I do think his appearance in SORCERER suits him well and his character in the movie is a mix of strengths, goodness and feelings. In short, his character has CHARACTER!! Haha.) As for the guy who played the APPRENTICE, I would say Disney had a good pick as he appears to be the down-to-earth guy-next-door part, bland and clueless. A guy who wants to be just normal, but he knows he has the responsibility as he is the one chosen. Love the magical effects. ;) **

Mixed Thoughts:: Emotions!!~

What do u expect me to post, "my ex has moved on?? YIPPEE"? Well I'm happy to see that he is finally using his brains and that L will be out of his target; in fact I did tell him if he hates me he should target me one-to-one instead of harming an innocent bystander like L. My heart sinks every time I see the bruises on L's wrist. If I hadn't been so stubborn, perhaps all this wouldn't have happened. I will have my eyes checked for stamps.

Another season of good food. Am I gaining weight? I hope I am. I don't want my dad to think I'm starving during my period of stay in Singapore.

What is love?

It is the emotional drive of the heart and mind, making us commit several actions unconsciously. I can't help but notice that L doesn't like me one bit except as a friend. I'm not his ideal type of girl, but he could be frank with me instead of beating about the bush, to prevent future misconceptions. And he's waiting for The One.

We took a cab together once and the driver thought we were a couple, perhaps it's the chemistry I have with L but not with other guys. L told the driver a long story instead of just denying the fact. I feel he should be truthful to himself that he does not like a person with in-confidence issue and easily swayed by the remarks of the people around her. Currently, I do not have any special feelings for L yet but am sometimes confused by what he has to say.

Love Versus Religion

I get really pissed off when anyone criticizes my religion especially to the extent of bringing out the Pastor-Rony Tan issue. Hello, it is just two ex-Buddhists, has the person who is forwarding me the message even thought about the number of ex-Christians 'converting' to Buddhists? And so much for saying I failed because of being a non-believer of Christianity, I really think there is a problem here with this person, not with the religions at all!! 

For the moment, I believe that love is hopeless. I'm not going to wait for The One like L, but I do wish him happiness and everlasting bliss, from the bottom of my heart. Secondly I wish to wish it to Mr John S from the Nanyang Technological University, as he hasn't found his second half yet.

Thoughts regarding personal change

Just something I have to say. Firstly, it is important to note that although something, a body/object is not visible in nature, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist at all! L has been saying he hasn't been able to notice any visible changes after the incident 4 days ago. Secondly, I really think he has to take life with a pinch of salt. Why be so insistent and eager to rush a change just for the intention of long-run profit/performance? Why not just sit back and watch instead? Thirdly and lastly, even by preventing something from happening, that doesn't mean it won't happen. People learn from their own mistakes, even if other people keep telling them "Don't learn from your mistakes. Don't even commit them in the first place! Learn from others' mistakes" as observable in the KMSPKS workshop/talk at Bras Basah Complex, Art of Communications. The reality is that people don't really learn from others' mistakes as they will think "I'll never commit this mistake/crime. That's them; I'm me!!". And also, if you never pick up the big rock, how can you even put it down at all? 

Today's plan: I had counselling session from 10 am to 11 am slot, but arrived late as my area was flooding and I couldn't afford to dial a cab. I arrived at Queenstown MRT around 10:40, so quickly hauled a cab and paid $3.30. At least I didn't have to walk in the rain with my shoes and socks wet. So I went down to Anchorpoint later and bought a pair of sandals, then waited for my sister for some shopping. After that, I got a call from L, so rushed off to Seah Im Food Market to have late lunch with him as well as chat about my insecurities. We walked around in Vivocity and did some last-minute shopping at Daiso. However, later when I got home after hanging out at Vivocity with him (the foot soaking at Vivocity highest level was awesome!!!!!), somehow he seemed upset over a previous blog post and I tried to pacify him for awhile but I was busy as I had to do packing to go to JB. The phone was faulty and cut off so he misunderstood that I was mad. But actually, I was more afraid that if I didn't emit a visible change soon, he'd float further away from me and we wouldn't be as close as usual.

Trivia:

L loves fishes. 

I love kisses.

The song goes

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You love fishes

but I love to kiss you

Haha, joking only lar.. don't be angry lar..

Upset & sianness

My phone's LCD again cannot click.. Sian!! N no money to replace the LCD.. Gonna cost me $80!! Anyway enjoy today's trip to Singapore Parliament House @ cityhall, just upset when they mention "Grassroots Leader" as i'm reminded of so-n-so.. But nvm. Travelled to TM to have phone checked, but warranty has ran out. :(

Received email from him! :(

What is this, I told him I took on new precepts whereby one is abstaining from impure misconduct! Why does he think I'm looking for male hooker.... Maybe life goes on? Or he is trying to agitate me again?? Where did I go wrong again?

My Problems.

This is final.

I only bring problems to guys.

The only way to help L is by getting out of his life. Sometimes I think non-endedly of suicide. Asher would love that and be overjoyed, L would be freed of a burden. But, before this, I am going to look for a therapist. to perform hypnosis and place my past into forgetfulness, particularly my last ex. My past with my ex "I" is still something I can't forget yet. If I hadn't stepped into his life, he wouldn't have been bent on hating me to the extent of calling the police and getting me convicted.

He most most most likely hopes n prays n wishes for me to land in jail. Where I can't see the light again. N he's happy now, overjoyed.

I must erase my moments with him and my other exes so I can leave my world in peace. Very soon...
And I won't contact Kaiqi, Jessie, Peiling or any of his friends anymore. This is the only right thing to do now while I haven't left the world. Sure they must be thinking I'm a hypocrite? Maybe?

 My ex called me last night. This is most likely to yell and scream at me. I didn't want to get hurt and insulted by his remarks so I passed the phone to my sister. Anyway, my sister informed me of his decision of pressing charges on me. Well, I decided to leave it all up to Buddha to decide. Let Buddha take hold of my life. Let L be happy with his girlfriend, since the greatest happiness and gift I can give to him is by leaving his life alone. I feel ever since I knew him, I have been the biggest burden on him. Let him meet the girl of his dreams. So what if I ever achieved anything in my life? So what if I managed to escape unharmed this time? It doesn't make anyone happier, it makes everyone more worried and troubled. I'm a jinx to my family. If only I wasn't born... I believe my parents regretted that I came to this world. I owed more than I could pay back. I really have been a nuisance. Maybe my ex is right to a certain point. So what if he is right? So what if he isn't? I really really don't want to mess up with my sister or L's life. If only I could disappear immediately from this world, without trace!

Upset?

Very upset over whatever happened....

I realize it's my OWN stupidity for fallin' for that 'I' in the first place.. if I didn't, this all would never happen, some more to the extent of bringing my friends and family into the picture.. I need to have my eyes checked.. as well as my brains!

Poor 'L'.. had to get a RABIES injection for being bitten by a rapid dog. And I indirectly cause him to get hurt.. Hope the swelling goes down or I'll be sorry for LIFE.

Me at Queensway

Activities over the week