It's time~ (",)

(",) (",) (".)  (.") (.") (.")

It's time for me to forget the senseless, invalid past sorrows. (But bring the happiness along)

Like my counsellor said, past mistakes are not mistakes, but experiences.

I will learn to be happy, even if it takes all the effort in my life to overcome my sadness. Sis said, as humans, we ought to be happy. How are we going to cultivate ourselves if we are in despair? =)

Rumours

Recently, I had been dismayed by rumours spreading about me in online forums which seemingly, were not directed to me at all as I had quit. I was told about it and shown the URL, but somehow, I wonder what the people there are getting at. It's a virtual community, but the barrier between ONLINE and REALITY doesn't show. Here, people are meeting each other in real life and they think their forum nickname is something VERY important. Life is impermanent, and I feel the forum is just somewhere for me to hide from affairs in real life. Now I don't go to forums, other than mobile forums or game forums (for their links), but other than that, I'd rather take a hike (go to a park), or read a book. I also realized that forums ruin my English and disrupt my communication skills. Too used to talking online, I can't even initiate a good conversation with Sis.

Anyway, the suspect who is most likely to be the one spreading the rumours is, the guy who threatened me and tried to extort $$ from me. I can't say who he is, as this is a public blog. But who knows me well enough, knows the identity of the guy. His mother also said bad things to my ex about me, saying I had no respect for elderly! I was very clear the other time, I had not greeted her loud enough for her to hear it as I was shy. :P So here is another person, like me, who jumps to conclusions. I shall avoid doing that as well. Well, one vengeful guy who is full of hatred, and one annoying auntie who lives in her own world and says what she wants. I've left them alone, blocked them on my phone, now it's the time to leave my memories of the duo alone. By hating them, I only will hurt myself more and thrust myself deeper in sorrow and denial. And they would win the battle. So the best way to win is by not doing anything and by not caring about whatever they say. If there is such a thing as karma, then they will take back their 'unwanted presents'. I forgive them for their ignorance, and I will try my best to forget the whole incident.

Empty Threats

I logged in my old account, and another ex, Maverick (not his real name), kept MSN-ing me. Honestly, I left Mave' coz he has a wild and raging temper, and he has a sexual obsession/addiction. He would call me and ask me dirty things, and I would reject him, or not even answer my phone itself. He also likes to act very regimental. He thinks giving people orders is the best way to handle people. I guess, in this position, he is very likely to be trod on by higher-order people in his workplace, as he was working with security previously. I don't know now, but it's not right for him to want to get back with me as I'm his ex. I previously re-tweeted this quote by a random person on Twitter.

postthelove

  

PTL Post: An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of who you shouldn't go for… http://goo.gl/fb/E0tBC

Very meaningful, isn't it? 100+ others also re-tweeted it. I'm not going into that MSN account already. Let him say open threats or what, he can go talk to the wall if he likes. Threatening will not help him in his job or life. He is just running from one problem to another by trying to get back with me. Problems will not disappear or solve by themselves. People change, but anger, temperament remain, perhaps hidden or dormant. Like in volcanoes. They just wait for a moment to ERUPT.

Holidays

Fancy FALLING SICK on the first day of your holiday! I often wake up with a sore throat, but this time, it's for real! On the second day, a slight flu followed suit. It's the third day now.. I hope a fever won't join its comrades. And the library book I requested a hold for, it is still not available. Great, now I have to wait even longer for that book I'm so desperate for!

Gratitude

-Thanks Sis & Mum (& the rest of my family) for being at my side when I need them.

-Thanks Dio for accompanying me for lunch when I feel I need someone to talk to. and for clearing doubts in novel storylines.

-Thanks Buddhism for coming into my life when I was lonely and confused, and needed attention. =)

-Thanks to my enemies/exes I used to hate for letting me realize the consequences of loving or liking too much (that it becomes an obsession).

On the road to recovery | 3rd July

Realization~

 

I am going to head forward, and not look back. Today I attended my first buddhist learning class, and realized that there are so many buddhists in Singapore after all. Over 100+ people sacrificing their Saturdays to join, even some rushing after their work. I'll never be 'lonely' again, in that case. 

I realized that conditional love is not healthy. One should love all, not just one particular person. The condition is that: that person be your one special person. I realized how selfish I have been. How unequal I have been. Treating 'him' better than others, giving him special treatment in return for foolishness. What about my mum & my sister? And, worst off, I am even more surprised that aside from my family (my mum who tried to fight her rights for me, my sister who defended my rights via reasoning), it's this officer I knew for a year or so who tried to cheer me up & help me get back my confidence. I had a long talk with him & realized he's changed. No longer the silly-flirty boy who kept trying to stick to me like a magnet. Confiding in him, I feel a lot better. But I didn't tell him too much, I can't because I don't want to act like a weakling. 

Letting Go~

To move on, I have to let go. Forgive him, not hate him. Let him realize the whole thing isn't worth it. It isn't worth it to get sexually involved with others, and self-destructive behavior is for losers. I feel cheated after this; but like the counselor said, he himself agreed to the breakup so is pretty much not something I should think about, it's PAST. I told myself I need to give him my blessings to be with other girls, otherwise I'd be giving him empty hopes. I also know that it's better it happened now than later when we have reached a later stage in the relationship, then this happens. Anyway, I've read two sites on getting over breakups, one is basically on how to get over, another is how you know you've really gotten over. 

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/dumped.htm

http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/are_you_over_it.html

By the way, first link isn't on sexual relationships but "sex & relationships" which is a broad category. I recommend these two for pleasure reading.

And the other day, I picked up this book "A Happily Married Life from a Buddhist perspective" courtesy of KMS but I'm still unsure on whether I should read it or not, as I feel reluctant in believing I should step into another relationship when I am ready next time. I just don't wish to face the exact same pains, neither do I wish to tell myself my officer friend L likes me.

>Took photos at Junction 8. I believe the bruises are getting better, so I don't need to waste money on a skin grafting operation checkup medical fees.

(I think I'm regaining my confidence but I shouldn't overestimate myself just yet.)