No Photo-copy Memorization, Lah! ♥

I have been silent recently...

No mood to talk over the phone sometimes. Dump my phone in a corner in the unused room where I keep my school books. 

Don't know what to do. Don't know how to change my routine.

I know I want to do well but I'm not confident enough to change everything. I can't clog my head with details and expect myself to remember everything. I wish I could, though.

Tried cramming myself with vitamins but it just doesn't work. Turns into egested material :( and get flushed away...

Now I realize it's not about mimicking the "light borrower" of the olden times. It's all about carrying yourself the way you want to. I can't change my self-routine of studying. I can only accommodate my routine to suit my own lifestyle, by doing enough revision and increasing the amount of time spent per time. I can't coop myself up too much. I can't stare at a book the whole day and expect myself to remember what I have learned by sitting in front of the book. Gone are the days when people memorize book after book of information. Instead, here is memorization+apply. Apply what you understand, as there is no RIGHT or WRONG answer! ♥

Thank you for being at my side but please understand I need time to be alone as well when I'm down or feeling lonely.  ♥ ♥ ♥

Tired

Tired of being myself.. Study study study.. Don't even know what I am studying for.. After studying for 2 hrs, I just get sick and bored of studying, when can I finally have a break from all this pain and worry.. Especially when my old friends seem to have done more revision than me, I don't have the confidence in making a breakthrough.. Why do I have to feel so different for not being a Singaporean =(

(I wonder what you are thinking right now?)

Went for Art of Communication Talk last night. Wonder if it really would help me at all? I don't like to be studying without any sense of direction, blindly studying and studying and studying. This is not like me at all.

23 July 2010 | What is this?

Slept at 3 last night, was up decorating my blog and stuff like washing dishes and clearing the mess on the kitchen table..

(Wonder what you are doing right now...)

Have I really changed? I still seem to think a lot.. ;)
I still feel I am a big burden in your life, giving you bad luck with your jobs and sometimes, making you feel like a total idiot with my depressive behavior.
(Perhaps I have split personalities, from imagining and thinking I'm someone I'm not, every time!)

Woke up at 11:30 a.m. You're still fast asleep as I didn't see you online or received any SMS from you..
Am I such a terrible girl nobody else would want to be with? I'm kinda distressed that you may upset your religious upbringings as well as spiritual equilibrium, and the laws of those of your faith. I wouldn't like for you to become an outcast, etc.

Why do different people say different things? I don't get it. This is leading to a big confusion in my head..