And it all ends up | July 1

...to Zero. Perhaps, I will not get myself involved in a relationship again. Love hurts? Am not stupid enough to go cutting myself again after the last incident,

The marks may be light as compared to an actual self-destructionist, but they'll be etched into my memory as my flesh + blood I got from my parents.

You treated me well for the past few days, forgave me for neglecting you, but you hurt me so much on today July 1st, 2010. Firstly I had cousins over, and secondly I wasn't ready to go to a Christian cell group meeting, I didn't feel like it and you pushed me by threatening to break off since I didn't want this relationship. Next, you threatened to find a prosty if I didn't arrive in 20 mins, then you made me run from the MRT Station to 2 different Shell Stations and back.

I was so angry with you I broke your ATM Card. I hated it when you used money on prosties. I wanted to take your money away. I pushed you because I was unhappy with you doing this to me. In the end, what did I get? You found a girl to sleep with you and I got bruises when we fought.

This bruise may be nothing, but it is, emotionally. Anyway I DON'T KNOW how to face the world when you have slept with someone else. Just a small price to pay for my own stupidity. An ugly girl with a horrible life, and a past to cast away. Who can I trust in the future?

23 July 2010 | What is this?

Slept at 3 last night, was up decorating my blog and stuff like washing dishes and clearing the mess on the kitchen table..

(Wonder what you are doing right now...)

Have I really changed? I still seem to think a lot.. ;)
I still feel I am a big burden in your life, giving you bad luck with your jobs and sometimes, making you feel like a total idiot with my depressive behavior.
(Perhaps I have split personalities, from imagining and thinking I'm someone I'm not, every time!)

Woke up at 11:30 a.m. You're still fast asleep as I didn't see you online or received any SMS from you..
Am I such a terrible girl nobody else would want to be with? I'm kinda distressed that you may upset your religious upbringings as well as spiritual equilibrium, and the laws of those of your faith. I wouldn't like for you to become an outcast, etc.

Why do different people say different things? I don't get it. This is leading to a big confusion in my head..