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Friday, June 25, 2010

Tired

Tired of being myself.. Study study study.. Don't even know what I am studying for.. After studying for 2 hrs, I just get sick and bored of studying, when can I finally have a break from all this pain and worry.. Especially when my old friends seem to have done more revision than me, I don't have the confidence in making a breakthrough.. Why do I have to feel so different for not being a Singaporean =(

(I wonder what you are thinking right now?)

Went for Art of Communication Talk last night. Wonder if it really would help me at all? I don't like to be studying without any sense of direction, blindly studying and studying and studying. This is not like me at all.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

23 July 2010 | What is this?

Slept at 3 last night, was up decorating my blog and stuff like washing dishes and clearing the mess on the kitchen table..

(Wonder what you are doing right now...)

Have I really changed? I still seem to think a lot.. ;)
I still feel I am a big burden in your life, giving you bad luck with your jobs and sometimes, making you feel like a total idiot with my depressive behavior.
(Perhaps I have split personalities, from imagining and thinking I'm someone I'm not, every time!)

Woke up at 11:30 a.m. You're still fast asleep as I didn't see you online or received any SMS from you..
Am I such a terrible girl nobody else would want to be with? I'm kinda distressed that you may upset your religious upbringings as well as spiritual equilibrium, and the laws of those of your faith. I wouldn't like for you to become an outcast, etc.

Why do different people say different things? I don't get it. This is leading to a big confusion in my head..

Tuesday | 22 June 2010 | Studying over de weekend


Finally, last day of the semester!!
I felt so sleepy in class today, as if the clouds had settled on the top of my head.

Bought a soft toy for $5.00. Adorable, isn't it? This is the first toy I actually bought for myself. Wish it could be you who bought it for me, but you've already gotten me a little doggy toy. Miss you :)

.
I'm not pretty, but I seem to like taking photos quite alot.. I hope I break the habit before I'm labeled an "ugly camwhore". Sometimes, I do wonder.. Is life really a 'facade'? Why do I have to pretend so much that I'm someone I'm not? I imagine I'm cute, pretty and have lots of friends, but I'm just the opposite. Other than you and a few female friends, I'm afraid I have noone else. Guys treated me like crap in the past, and I've 'burned' them out of my friends list, blocked them off Facebook and MSN for their minor/major offenses, and built imaginary voodoo dolls of them in my mind.
If only everyone could be honest to me, and tell me that I'm not pretty, and that cute equals adorable in a fat way.. I know I must diet someday, by replacing meals with protein drinks instead. But I still love food too much to forgo meals. 

I wish you wouldn't be so jealous with my over-friendliness/socialization, and that one day, you will be liked by all, that includes my family. :) I'm persevering at the moment, letting my mum nag at me tho. My sis doesn't care, she just knows that she has warned me and that's all. I have to be responsible that it's my fault my family can't really accept you after what you've done for me. As I said, I have neither beauty nor brains. I can't expect so much out of you. I hated your previous jobs, happy that you are considering 'partnership.' (I can't really find the right term for it, despite being a business student)

(I feel guilty for lecturing your ex-colleague but at the same time, I feel I did the right thing by letting him know how sinful he is for having done this to you.)

(I really love you, can you hear me?)

And I was too overconfident over certain things, the thing about Ai Ling and then... Aiya. But I really feel happy today that you're as free as a bird. I thought you would get mad at me, but in fact you didn't..

(Note: Names changed for benefit of public viewing)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Tired

Tired of seeing you like this.
Tired of seeing you in pain.
Tired of having to cry for you...
It's time you took a break from strenuous work & this tiresome activity, sweety..
It's time for a change!
If need be, I shall be the one to change you.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Recycled my blog URL. ♥♥♥

Deleted my old blog posts, tired of my old childishness and immaturity, inability to think. ♥
A new life, a new success, Endeavor??
Persevere for my own future! ♥♥♥