Meaning of (Baby) names

Don't know what this is supposed to mean.. LOLs...
My name, Xan means defender of mankind.
J'kang's name, Dio means wine..
and Niccolo's Nic means victory.


And we are all GREEK. and I don't know why either are 'our' names three-letter words. Maybe for originality. I did use Joey for a while but that is because Joey Wong in my Facebook is hot.

XanXan

Blog Post for yesterday, 10th Sep '10

And so begins my first day of 'tedious work'

I woke up at 6:05 am? I think.. Then was preparing.. bath, clothes, etc.. in comes NiCcelo's morning call @ 6:30 am. Expected him to forget about waking me up.. and so, I reach YCK earlier than him ... Took train with him all the way to Jurong.. realizes when he sleeps on the MRT, he looks even shorter than me!! :O

Was halfway thru' in the job (of 'assisting' Niccolo by being a flyer) till I sprained my back for no good reason.. I don't know how it happened.. and Niccolo's boss wasn't happy with my progress I think.. well Mr. Niccolo Poon informed me that I was just supposed to give out flyer and tell them what's it about IF they ask. Then Niccoolo's boss isn't happy.. I feel like an epic fail+5 or something.. AARGH! WTF is wrong with me

Well so durin' lunch time when there weren't many people I smsed up J'kang.. He's my 'soulbro' in a kind of way, people even said we look alike. Didn't expect him to come all the way to Jurong to meet me, then said "Oh, only IMM's Daiso sell this product." Well, J'kang doesn't lie so I believed him. I fell and bruised my knee (it bled slightly) when I was leaving for the MRT.. Guess my legs were too numb as I was wearing a short skirt (not mini skirt of coz).. So we went to Chinatown and I had some of the new Mr Bean's pancakes (Caramel Cheese and Egg Mayo) as well as the Soya Bean.. We went to MacD and J'kang bought a burger.. Walked Chinatown during the night and took some photos of the lantern decor, then we took the NEL MRT to our own respective destinations (home).  I was so dead beat after that.. Fell asleep on the MRT.. Woke up twice, once at Little India and another time at Kovan. I remembered to sms Niccolo sorry, but as usual, he only replies in "Ok..." or "Yes." Guess he must be even tireder than I am.. 

And I still don't know if my feelings for him are for real or not.. He does have a gf, after all. If it's a crush, then I shouldn't affect him and his gf's relationship by being there as a limiting factor.. He told me he was stressed. Juggling a job and trying to save enough money for his double degree at Curtin. I really shouldn't pressurize him too much either. Hope his new job will be fine.

Utterly Confused?

Random Thoughts
of Idiocy and Confused Notions

• I'm over my ex, but am I the type of person who can commit at all? Or should I say, am I the 'valid' type a guy would want to be his gf?

• 'JK' he is just a very close friend, but I seem to take his matters very seriously, like his personal problems, his health and well-being, and his interests. Am I just being an annoying BusyBody?

• Do I have a crush on NiCc? He has a gf already, so I'll just keep it this way. Yes, I may visit him sometimes, but it's not worth it to destroy a friendship over some stupid confused notions I have rumbling in my brain & heart. Also, I have a commitment problem, in case I forgot. I'm not good enough to be anyone's gf yet, until I change. And change is writtten in the symbol TRIANGLE. Which means, change shape?? 

NOTE: Just thoughts. Real feelings may vary in comparison, or have randomized differences. LaLaLa~

It's time~ (",)

(",) (",) (".)  (.") (.") (.")

It's time for me to forget the senseless, invalid past sorrows. (But bring the happiness along)

Like my counsellor said, past mistakes are not mistakes, but experiences.

I will learn to be happy, even if it takes all the effort in my life to overcome my sadness. Sis said, as humans, we ought to be happy. How are we going to cultivate ourselves if we are in despair? =)

Rumours

Recently, I had been dismayed by rumours spreading about me in online forums which seemingly, were not directed to me at all as I had quit. I was told about it and shown the URL, but somehow, I wonder what the people there are getting at. It's a virtual community, but the barrier between ONLINE and REALITY doesn't show. Here, people are meeting each other in real life and they think their forum nickname is something VERY important. Life is impermanent, and I feel the forum is just somewhere for me to hide from affairs in real life. Now I don't go to forums, other than mobile forums or game forums (for their links), but other than that, I'd rather take a hike (go to a park), or read a book. I also realized that forums ruin my English and disrupt my communication skills. Too used to talking online, I can't even initiate a good conversation with Sis.

Anyway, the suspect who is most likely to be the one spreading the rumours is, the guy who threatened me and tried to extort $$ from me. I can't say who he is, as this is a public blog. But who knows me well enough, knows the identity of the guy. His mother also said bad things to my ex about me, saying I had no respect for elderly! I was very clear the other time, I had not greeted her loud enough for her to hear it as I was shy. :P So here is another person, like me, who jumps to conclusions. I shall avoid doing that as well. Well, one vengeful guy who is full of hatred, and one annoying auntie who lives in her own world and says what she wants. I've left them alone, blocked them on my phone, now it's the time to leave my memories of the duo alone. By hating them, I only will hurt myself more and thrust myself deeper in sorrow and denial. And they would win the battle. So the best way to win is by not doing anything and by not caring about whatever they say. If there is such a thing as karma, then they will take back their 'unwanted presents'. I forgive them for their ignorance, and I will try my best to forget the whole incident.

Empty Threats

I logged in my old account, and another ex, Maverick (not his real name), kept MSN-ing me. Honestly, I left Mave' coz he has a wild and raging temper, and he has a sexual obsession/addiction. He would call me and ask me dirty things, and I would reject him, or not even answer my phone itself. He also likes to act very regimental. He thinks giving people orders is the best way to handle people. I guess, in this position, he is very likely to be trod on by higher-order people in his workplace, as he was working with security previously. I don't know now, but it's not right for him to want to get back with me as I'm his ex. I previously re-tweeted this quote by a random person on Twitter.

postthelove

  

PTL Post: An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of who you shouldn't go for… http://goo.gl/fb/E0tBC

Very meaningful, isn't it? 100+ others also re-tweeted it. I'm not going into that MSN account already. Let him say open threats or what, he can go talk to the wall if he likes. Threatening will not help him in his job or life. He is just running from one problem to another by trying to get back with me. Problems will not disappear or solve by themselves. People change, but anger, temperament remain, perhaps hidden or dormant. Like in volcanoes. They just wait for a moment to ERUPT.

Holidays

Fancy FALLING SICK on the first day of your holiday! I often wake up with a sore throat, but this time, it's for real! On the second day, a slight flu followed suit. It's the third day now.. I hope a fever won't join its comrades. And the library book I requested a hold for, it is still not available. Great, now I have to wait even longer for that book I'm so desperate for!

Gratitude

-Thanks Sis & Mum (& the rest of my family) for being at my side when I need them.

-Thanks Dio for accompanying me for lunch when I feel I need someone to talk to. and for clearing doubts in novel storylines.

-Thanks Buddhism for coming into my life when I was lonely and confused, and needed attention. =)

-Thanks to my enemies/exes I used to hate for letting me realize the consequences of loving or liking too much (that it becomes an obsession).

It's time.~

Just for fun

It's time to leave the past
To seek a new beginning
Forget the pain I must
And work towards a good ending

Strength is what I have now
Persevere in my path
Never to failure I will bow
Instead I will have the last laugh

Gods may be watching over me in my life
Guide me and assist me they will
But only if I help myself strive
Success will then be real.


I know it's weird but just felt the knack for writing a senseless poem. (Dio, if you're reading, please laugh. You're allowed to.)

The Sorcerer's Apprentice @ Brunei, 3/8/10

Me at The Mall GDG

The CINEPLEX@Mall

Me acting NERD

Baby E (my niece) enjoying herself

CHEESE!!

**Edit: this is the first time I have seen CAGE in such a role. (Normally he plays goody-two-shoes or super-heroic characters. Recall the too-good-for-everything guy in FACE OFF, where he replaced the evil guy's character in the face change. And also in the movie with Penelope Cruz where he was the super-nice German general/soldier who fell in love with the Italian village doctor. I haven't seen many of his movies, but I do think his appearance in SORCERER suits him well and his character in the movie is a mix of strengths, goodness and feelings. In short, his character has CHARACTER!! Haha.) As for the guy who played the APPRENTICE, I would say Disney had a good pick as he appears to be the down-to-earth guy-next-door part, bland and clueless. A guy who wants to be just normal, but he knows he has the responsibility as he is the one chosen. Love the magical effects. ;) **

Mixed Thoughts:: Emotions!!~

What do u expect me to post, "my ex has moved on?? YIPPEE"? Well I'm happy to see that he is finally using his brains and that L will be out of his target; in fact I did tell him if he hates me he should target me one-to-one instead of harming an innocent bystander like L. My heart sinks every time I see the bruises on L's wrist. If I hadn't been so stubborn, perhaps all this wouldn't have happened. I will have my eyes checked for stamps.

Another season of good food. Am I gaining weight? I hope I am. I don't want my dad to think I'm starving during my period of stay in Singapore.

What is love?

It is the emotional drive of the heart and mind, making us commit several actions unconsciously. I can't help but notice that L doesn't like me one bit except as a friend. I'm not his ideal type of girl, but he could be frank with me instead of beating about the bush, to prevent future misconceptions. And he's waiting for The One.

We took a cab together once and the driver thought we were a couple, perhaps it's the chemistry I have with L but not with other guys. L told the driver a long story instead of just denying the fact. I feel he should be truthful to himself that he does not like a person with in-confidence issue and easily swayed by the remarks of the people around her. Currently, I do not have any special feelings for L yet but am sometimes confused by what he has to say.

Love Versus Religion

I get really pissed off when anyone criticizes my religion especially to the extent of bringing out the Pastor-Rony Tan issue. Hello, it is just two ex-Buddhists, has the person who is forwarding me the message even thought about the number of ex-Christians 'converting' to Buddhists? And so much for saying I failed because of being a non-believer of Christianity, I really think there is a problem here with this person, not with the religions at all!! 

For the moment, I believe that love is hopeless. I'm not going to wait for The One like L, but I do wish him happiness and everlasting bliss, from the bottom of my heart. Secondly I wish to wish it to Mr John S from the Nanyang Technological University, as he hasn't found his second half yet.

Thoughts regarding personal change

Just something I have to say. Firstly, it is important to note that although something, a body/object is not visible in nature, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist at all! L has been saying he hasn't been able to notice any visible changes after the incident 4 days ago. Secondly, I really think he has to take life with a pinch of salt. Why be so insistent and eager to rush a change just for the intention of long-run profit/performance? Why not just sit back and watch instead? Thirdly and lastly, even by preventing something from happening, that doesn't mean it won't happen. People learn from their own mistakes, even if other people keep telling them "Don't learn from your mistakes. Don't even commit them in the first place! Learn from others' mistakes" as observable in the KMSPKS workshop/talk at Bras Basah Complex, Art of Communications. The reality is that people don't really learn from others' mistakes as they will think "I'll never commit this mistake/crime. That's them; I'm me!!". And also, if you never pick up the big rock, how can you even put it down at all? 

Today's plan: I had counselling session from 10 am to 11 am slot, but arrived late as my area was flooding and I couldn't afford to dial a cab. I arrived at Queenstown MRT around 10:40, so quickly hauled a cab and paid $3.30. At least I didn't have to walk in the rain with my shoes and socks wet. So I went down to Anchorpoint later and bought a pair of sandals, then waited for my sister for some shopping. After that, I got a call from L, so rushed off to Seah Im Food Market to have late lunch with him as well as chat about my insecurities. We walked around in Vivocity and did some last-minute shopping at Daiso. However, later when I got home after hanging out at Vivocity with him (the foot soaking at Vivocity highest level was awesome!!!!!), somehow he seemed upset over a previous blog post and I tried to pacify him for awhile but I was busy as I had to do packing to go to JB. The phone was faulty and cut off so he misunderstood that I was mad. But actually, I was more afraid that if I didn't emit a visible change soon, he'd float further away from me and we wouldn't be as close as usual.

Trivia:

L loves fishes. 

I love kisses.

The song goes

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You love fishes

but I love to kiss you

Haha, joking only lar.. don't be angry lar..