Yesterday's | 28 June

My dear, I tried to help me out with my studies, but we couldn't figure out how to score for the essay topic 'Barriers to Entry & Exit: SG Power'. Mostly because I wasn't familiar enough with the issues on SG Power. I've never heard of it before this and a bit confused on the relation to the topic itself; it's so monopoly/oligopoly-like that I can't figure what strategies it employs for pricing etc. Since there are no competitors, how can there be, for e.g. Predatory Pricing? and I'm not clear either on what regulations are there in Singapore to support it other than it has ties with the gov?

(Choked on $3.50 Cheese Fries@KFC which I had craving for. OMG, back in Bru' it's only $2.50! and the same taste, whatsoever! But I'm not very updated about their value meals as I haven't been there for quite awhile.. more than a year I haven't gone back! I'm soooo homesick..! They must have the Mushroom beef/chix burger meal now. In the past, it was popular for Zinger Burger.)

Anyway, got to pick a few more topics for essays before my classmate, N comes back to Singapore. So preparing myself before I can do a group study with her.

Some truths about my revising style | 28 June

Another morning spent at home with me waking up late again.

I'm quite confused with some essay topics. Which should I choose? So emailed my inquiries to my previous Advanced Diploma classmate, R. Hope she has the time to reply my questions and settle my confusions. I want to work hard at my three modules, regardless the results. From what I believe, everyone has their own limits and standards. I'm not clear with the Undergraduate grading, but from what's written in the handbooks from school, the grading is lower than Advanced Diploma (Pre-University) slightly. For example, in AD, 80% is A and 70% is B. I am a B&Cs scorer in AD. But in the Undergraduate programme , A is only 70% and B is 60%. Wow~! and most SMART people are 'B' scorers when they are undergrads.

I go for creative learning. Instead of write- write- memorize- memorize I try to imagine & put myself in the situation. And amazing enough, for the module Economics of Industry, the UK University Partner's expectation is for students to think out of the box; beyond what's in the textbooks. I hope I can do well. My sister, M gets A's in Thames for her diploma, I wonder if that means my intellect is beyond average, or I'm not studying hard enough. I'm not a STUDY HARD HARD person, I'm more of a STUDY AS I UNDERSTAND type. My revising style is very different from others'. I like to relax and do my usual stuffs while studying. Previously, when I attempted to change my revising style to that of the non-stop study and sleep late type, I almost went bonkers. I just couldn't take it at all. People may think I'm such a slacker but I just don't know how to study when my revising style is as such!

Exams on 12 July, 16 July & 26 July

No Photo-copy Memorization, Lah! ♥

I have been silent recently...

No mood to talk over the phone sometimes. Dump my phone in a corner in the unused room where I keep my school books. 

Don't know what to do. Don't know how to change my routine.

I know I want to do well but I'm not confident enough to change everything. I can't clog my head with details and expect myself to remember everything. I wish I could, though.

Tried cramming myself with vitamins but it just doesn't work. Turns into egested material :( and get flushed away...

Now I realize it's not about mimicking the "light borrower" of the olden times. It's all about carrying yourself the way you want to. I can't change my self-routine of studying. I can only accommodate my routine to suit my own lifestyle, by doing enough revision and increasing the amount of time spent per time. I can't coop myself up too much. I can't stare at a book the whole day and expect myself to remember what I have learned by sitting in front of the book. Gone are the days when people memorize book after book of information. Instead, here is memorization+apply. Apply what you understand, as there is no RIGHT or WRONG answer! ♥

Thank you for being at my side but please understand I need time to be alone as well when I'm down or feeling lonely.  ♥ ♥ ♥

Tired

Tired of being myself.. Study study study.. Don't even know what I am studying for.. After studying for 2 hrs, I just get sick and bored of studying, when can I finally have a break from all this pain and worry.. Especially when my old friends seem to have done more revision than me, I don't have the confidence in making a breakthrough.. Why do I have to feel so different for not being a Singaporean =(

(I wonder what you are thinking right now?)

Went for Art of Communication Talk last night. Wonder if it really would help me at all? I don't like to be studying without any sense of direction, blindly studying and studying and studying. This is not like me at all.

23 July 2010 | What is this?

Slept at 3 last night, was up decorating my blog and stuff like washing dishes and clearing the mess on the kitchen table..

(Wonder what you are doing right now...)

Have I really changed? I still seem to think a lot.. ;)
I still feel I am a big burden in your life, giving you bad luck with your jobs and sometimes, making you feel like a total idiot with my depressive behavior.
(Perhaps I have split personalities, from imagining and thinking I'm someone I'm not, every time!)

Woke up at 11:30 a.m. You're still fast asleep as I didn't see you online or received any SMS from you..
Am I such a terrible girl nobody else would want to be with? I'm kinda distressed that you may upset your religious upbringings as well as spiritual equilibrium, and the laws of those of your faith. I wouldn't like for you to become an outcast, etc.

Why do different people say different things? I don't get it. This is leading to a big confusion in my head..

Tuesday | 22 June 2010 | Studying over de weekend

Finally, last day of the semester!!

I felt so sleepy in class today, as if the clouds had settled on the top of my head.

Bought a soft toy for $5.00. Adorable, isn't it? This is the first toy I actually bought for myself. Wish it could be you who bought it for me, but you've already gotten me a little doggy toy. Miss you :)

.

I'm not pretty, but I seem to like taking photos quite alot.. I hope I break the habit before I'm labeled an "ugly camwhore". Sometimes, I do wonder.. Is life really a 'facade'? Why do I have to pretend so much that I'm someone I'm not? I imagine I'm cute, pretty and have lots of friends, but I'm just the opposite. Other than you and a few female friends, I'm afraid I have noone else. Guys treated me like crap in the past, and I've 'burned' them out of my friends list, blocked them off Facebook and MSN for their minor/major offenses, and built imaginary voodoo dolls of them in my mind.

If only everyone could be honest to me, and tell me that I'm not pretty, and that cute equals adorable in a fat way.. I know I must diet someday, by replacing meals with protein drinks instead. But I still love food too much to forgo meals. 

I wish you wouldn't be so jealous with my over-friendliness/socialization, and that one day, you will be liked by all, that includes my family. :) I'm persevering at the moment, letting my mum nag at me tho. My sis doesn't care, she just knows that she has warned me and that's all. I have to be responsible that it's my fault my family can't really accept you after what you've done for me. As I said, I have neither beauty nor brains. I can't expect so much out of you. I hated your previous jobs, happy that you are considering 'partnership.' (I can't really find the right term for it, despite being a business student)

(I feel guilty for lecturing your ex-colleague but at the same time, I feel I did the right thing by letting him know how sinful he is for having done this to you.)

(I really love you, can you hear me?)

And I was too overconfident over certain things, the thing about Ai Ling and then... Aiya. But I really feel happy today that you're as free as a bird. I thought you would get mad at me, but in fact you didn't..

(Note: Names changed for benefit of public viewing)

Tired

Tired of seeing you like this.
Tired of seeing you in pain.
Tired of having to cry for you...
It's time you took a break from strenuous work & this tiresome activity, sweety..
It's time for a change!
If need be, I shall be the one to change you.

Recycled my blog URL. ♥♥♥

Deleted my old blog posts, tired of my old childishness and immaturity, inability to think. ♥
A new life, a new success, Endeavor??
Persevere for my own future! ♥♥♥