So near yet so far: Some thoughts.

aka letter to Zhirui Loh

As the bus circled Toa Payoh on my way to school, I thought "so near yet so far". I recall you work at Toa Payoh. 

I'm all alone now. I'm happy. And you're happy too. That's what makes me happy as well, and the engine that keeps me running, despite my loneliness in being single. 

I extract my earphones from my bag and slip the silicon into my ears, immersing myself within the deadliest music I own. Music, to me, is the eternal drug for my pain and sorrow. It makes me feel a different person altogether, and whole again.

Over the years, I saw you transform. You are no longer the lively RP you used to be. Naughty in some way, your camp tales would intrigue me. I loved your car rides. We would spend the whole day together and do practically nothing at all, but talk and talk non-stop, and stare into each others' eyes. Sadly, we had to grow up and move on with our lives, and leave our youthful dreams far behind.

Perhaps we were just too young at that time. You listen to me most of the time now, and only talk when I have something to ask, or you would just nod and smile at my countless tales. Work stress and exposure to harsh working life has contributed to your passiveness and passionless-ness. 

However, as time passes, I discover its the physical bond that grows in intensity the more we spend time with each other. And the emotional connection diminishes, as if they work antagonistically. Maybe that is what keeps us from feeling for each other enough to start over. I felt we would be better as friends. Also, I don't believe in unconditional love  or love at first sight. You agreed on that as well regarding yourself.

Perhaps we should work together to achieve our life priorities: a common goal. To achieve our full potential, either in the workplace or in studies. I love and like you, but it's just not that way. It's more of a friend thing, like what I have for Doudou. 

I want to be your emotional supporting pillar, your engine that keeps you going.

And this will be the very first thing perhaps that I put a substantial amount of effort in.

No giving up, Mr. Loh! I trust in you that you will be someone big someday, someone of high ranking and financial independence. 

I stop writing as the bus comes to a halt. I know I am arriving in school soon, in just a few bus stops. I smile, and I know nothing will stop me this time. I  know I can't love you as I did three years ago, but I know I will always support you.

Funny Day.

Today was a really hilarious day.

I had IMS this morning. Then this korean guy who usually comes late or sleeps/listens to music in class borrowed off my tutorial questions and begins to write....very slowly! So I couldn't manage to copy down what was left of the IMS diagram. The chinese dudes in the row in front didn't have the diagram either, 'coz one was reading the papers and another surfing the web. So I had to go over to James' to copy his diagram. Then, the lecturer was waiting for me to finish so he could start on the tutorial slides! Sigh, that was totally unexpected.

Then later during the break, I was talking with my classmate Y. It's funny how a topic can revolve around passing motion to meat dumplings. Pao Ba Zhang is a Singlish term for people who wear tight/skin fitting clothes which do not suit them. And if you weren't at the scene in LR-C209 at MDIS UniCampus, Queenstown, Singapore, it's really a very very long story!

My other friends are really cool. One gave me a handmade present, another accompanies me to walk to the MRT station. They have lots of awesome stories to tell as well. I joked to my friend as we walked, that I should go on QQ one day to get a China boyfriend. And she really is serious about introducing me one! She asked me what I think about a younger boy, and I say I like younger boys, as they're more innocent. :) But I really hope she isn't serious about the deed because I don't speak good Mandarin, just plain average Mandarin. :P

I had lunch with Mr.Blanket, the most innocent-looking shyboy I've seen in my life. He's also younger than me, around the same age as "Douryl" (my friends from MDIS' Publishing). The only difference -- Douryl are MassComm students, Mr Blanket is an IT student from NUS. Future, though, as he hasn't completed his NS. Douryl have. 

All the best to Douryl's future joint blog. May their DSLRs be with them through life and death, serving as a companion to the loneliest days of their lives. The coolest job is being a photojournalist, suits them awesomely fine. :)